Relationships, whether with a partner, friend or family member, are a huge part of life. As a teen, you’re learning a lot about how to connect with others, and it’s important to know the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships. Whether it's a romantic relationship or a friendship, recognizing the signs of a positive or negative relationship can help you stay safe and take care of yourself and the people around you.
Healthy Relationships: Green Flags
A healthy relationship makes you feel good about yourself, brings out the best in you and helps you grow as a person. Look out for these green flags that signal a healthy and supportive relationship:
Safety: Safety in a relationship means knowing you can express your feelings without fear of being hurt or judged. You should be able to share your thoughts and know that it's okay to make mistakes.
Caring: This person should make you feel good about yourself. A green flag is when the other person notices the unique things about you and reminds you of those lovable qualities. This person speaks highly about you to others and genuinely cares.
Balance: A healthy relationship has balance. It won't always be perfect, but in the big picture, a person will treat you as an equal and puts as much effort into the relationship as you do. A healthy relationship won't make you feel like you have to earn their love or prove your worth.
Comfort: You feel comfortable expressing your thoughts, feelings, and concerns openly and honestly. You should feel heard, respected, and valued, without fear of judgment or repercussion, no matter how difficult the conversation is.
Trust: Trust is when you can rely on your partner. Trust means having confidence that someone will keep their promises and act in a reliable way. Trust is the key to any healthy relationship whether it's with friends, family, or a romantic partner. Trust makes you feel emotionally and physically safe.
Appreciation: Your partner appreciates and values you. They treat you with consideration, and empathy, and as an equal. They will listen to your thoughts and feelings without putting you down.
Support: A person supports your goals and celebrates your wins and achievements. This person has your best interest in mind and believes in you.
Boundaries: All healthy relationships have boundaries. Boundaries are something you decide on; these choices should make you feel safe and comfortable. Boundaries help us understand and respect our own needs while being respectful and understanding of the other person's needs too.
Unhealthy Relationships: Red Flags
An unhealthy relationship can be draining, upsetting or even dangerous. It’s important to recognize the warning signs early so you can protect yourself. Here are some red flags to watch for:
Coercion: Forcing or pressuring you into doing things you wouldn't typically do or that you don't want to do altogether.
Gaslighting: Gaslighting is when someone makes you doubt your own thoughts, feelings, or memories to control and confuse you.
Violation of Privacy: Monitoring everything you do. Making you show them your phone, conversations you have. Making you tell them what other people are saying when they aren't around.
Control: Being told who you can hang out with, what to wear, and where to go is a sign of control, where one person tries to limit your freedom and choices.
Unpredictable Behaviour: Suddenly getting angry or acting cold without reason. This could create emotional confusion and makes you feel unsure of what to expect.
Jealousy: Persistent jealousy and distrust in a relationship involve one person constantly accusing you of things you haven't done or feelings you haven't felt.
Abuse: Abuse in a relationship is when someone hurts you emotionally, physically, or controls you in harmful ways, like insulting you, making you feel worthless, or isolating you from friends.
Isolation: Being isolated from your friends and family. You are made to feel guilty when you want to spend time with others.
If you feel unsafe in a relationship, support is available. Talk to someone you trust or reach out to a confidential crisis helpline such as Kids Help Phone, Youth Services Bureau or the Rape Crisis Centre.
Questions and Answers
If you're feeling scared, controlled or hurt in a relationship, it's important to get support. Here’s what you can do:
- Talk to someone you trust: Reach out to a parent/caregiver, guidance counselor, teacher or coach. Talking about what you're going through can help you understand your options and feel less isolated.
- Seek professional help: A counselor or mental health professional can provide a safe space to talk, help you navigate difficult emotions and offer coping strategies specific to your situation.
- Know your rights: Everyone deserves to feel safe and respected in their relationships. You have the right to set boundaries, to say no, and to be free from any form of harm — physical, emotional, sexual or verbal. If someone is harming you or making you feel unsafe, remember there are laws and resources in place to protect you.
- Be aware of available crisis supports: There are many confidential crisis lines available to support you including Kids Help Phone, Youth Services Bureau and the Rape Crisis Centre.
Healthy relationships should make you feel valued, respected and safe. If a relationship makes you feel bad about yourself or afraid, it's a sign that it's okay, and often necessary, to ask for help. Prioritize your well-being because you deserve respect and support.
Remember: You are worthy of love and respect. If you are ever in immediate danger, contact a trusted adult, a crisis helpline or your local authorities (911) right away. Your safety is always the priority.
If your friend is going through a difficult relationship, here’s how you can support them:
- Listen and be supportive: Be there for your friend. Let them know you care, and that their feelings are important.
- Encourage them to talk to an adult: Gently suggest they speak to a parent/caregiver, teacher or counselor. Remind them that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
- Offer to go with them: If they’re scared or unsure, offer to go with them when they talk to a trusted adult. Having someone by their side can make a huge difference.
- Don’t pressure them: You can't force your friend to leave an unhealthy relationship, and it often takes time for someone to be ready to make that step. Be patient, keep offering your support and remind them they deserve better. However, if you are ever concerned for their immediate safety, it's essential to let a trusted adult know so they can step in and help keep your friend safe.
- Take care of yourself: Supporting a friend through a tough time can be exhausting. Remember to protect your own mental well-being and seek support if you need it.
Healthy relationships, including friendships, are about mutual respect, trust and care. Always remember, you deserve support just as much as your friend does.
Consent means that someone clearly agrees to something, like a kiss, cuddle, or sexual activity, and fully understands what they’re agreeing to. It’s not just for sex; any physical contact — whether it’s kissing, touching or getting close — requires consent. For consent to be truly valid, it must be freely given and clear. Consent should be given every time, even if it happened before, and can be taken back at any point, for any reason.
When is consent not valid?
- If someone is pressured into giving it.
- If someone is under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or unconscious.
If someone is below the legal age of consent (which is 16 in Canada, though there are exceptions for close-in-age relationships under specific conditions). For more information, see this document from the Government of Canada.
Enthusiastic consent looks like this: If your partner smiles, leans in and says, "Yes! I'd love to," that’s a clear green light to move forward.
Any hesitation, uncertainty or withdrawal means 'no' and must be respected immediately. If your partner pulls back or says, "I'm not sure," you need to stop immediately. It’s important to respect their feelings, and your job is not to convince them but to make sure they feel comfortable.
Yes, they can. Revoked consent means that even if your partner said “yes” earlier, they can change their mind at any time. If they seem uncomfortable or say “stop,” you should stop right away — no questions asked. Always respect their boundaries.
For more information on consent, check out this video from Kids Help Phone: